Where the kid got shot in the face and lay there all night before anyone found him – down by McCormick Park. Up to the right there’s a red and white sign, you never noticed it before, but it’s been there a while, and it says: Chuck’s Detail And Hand Wash. Underneath, in those movable black letters, like the church signs that promise: JESUS IS TOUCHING YOU, it says: FEEL GOOD IN A CLEAN CAR. The kid lays there with his face in the sand, watching the sign turned on its side, and all the world drives by, not caring.
[xnihilo]
Friday Fictioneers
http://rochellewisofffields.wordpress.com/2013/06/26/29-june-2013/
No hedgehogs but still a powerful story none the less!
I fear people will begin to talk if I recommend you again this week, darling, so just know between you and I that I would wear a I HEART XANDRANIHILO T-Shirt if they made them.
This was harsh and brutal, and the story I’d considered writing. I’m glad you did, though, because someone had to.
I love the descriptions of the signs, good read!
A flash with impact. Nicely done.
Stunning story. I was riveted from the first sentence.
Another brilliant piece. “And all the world drives by”.
Nice use of the sign as a metaphor: people in feeling good in their nice, clean cars, not wanting to get out and get involved into the messiness of another human in trouble.
Dear Xandra,
Impacting story with the juxtaposition of the sign and the dead body. Although with his face in the sand it seems odd to say that he was “watching” the sign.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Damned powerful and brutal piece.
He might as well be lost to the world, because it isn’t stopping. I can remember that feeling the first time I was old enough to understand what was happening when someone close to me died. I wondered why the world did not stop to notice. It was important to me, yet the world went on about its day. Very real.
This is just excellent. I love your style.
The sign serves your story well.
Bam! Harrowing tale of contrasts expertly constructed.
Pretty fine detail and a good read.